- Tenom [weird feeling], Sabah. 4:24PM, 5/3/2012
I don't know how to put this into words. But ladies and gentlemen, let me try to as honest as possible. The thing which is in my utmost concern is the detraction of this blog from being public to semi public, as it had been all along during its first publishing. I must say that this is quite a hard thing to do, considering my obsession towards writing is indispensable.
If you ask me why, I'll damn shut my mouth. I don't know why. Seriously. But after making up a consensus with myself; my consciousness, my humanity and all the promises I've built in the past, I think I should do this. It's for my best, and I need to change.
But when I said I want to revert to non-public, it doesn't mean that I'll be hiding in the jungle, living a solitude, ascetic life. I will always be here, being teacher (I mean, pre-teacher). I will keep an update about what's going on around me and what value(s) have I learnt after making personal observation and contemplation. Pictures will be posted, along with lengthy captions (hahaha). The only change is, I won't tell my story in full details. If that means generally, than generally whall my postings be.
My original intention of this blog wasn't really to tell people my so far being/achievement. I used to write things in general forms, hoping that humanity will gain something. Yes, aside from that, I want myself to be recognized, to be known. But not such way, my contribution(s) (if any) would be overwhelmed by me,I want the values that I incorporated in all my posts to crescendo. This is my bigger aim.
People can say, I'm a bit classic; anti-modernism, pseudo-ascetic, yada yada... but then, if all are looking for fame and popularity, who'd work for humanity and values that it needs to stay alive? Me am no Sailormoon, me am simply a teacher. And (thanks to Aizat) I managed to pull myself back to where I should have started.
I should have improvised myself.
It was by seeing these kids, that made me feel obliged. There is something in their faces which is common in all of theirs, that craves for change. That forced me to rethink my prior position. And to ask, "Why?", and "Why?", and "Why??" am I being here? *sigh* ... it requires strength. And I shall begin by searching for that strength.